Going through divorce or serious relationship breakup is a traumatic experience and shouldn’t be underestimated. It can take much longer to fully recover and get ready for a new relationship than you may actually think.
Online dating is a great way of meeting new people, get back into dating and potentially meet a new life partner, but it’s important to know when you’re actually ready to take these next steps. Being ready to date again and being ready for a new relationship are two different things and sometimes it can be easy to end up in a new relationship too soon.
Here are 7 top tips to make sure you’re in a good place before you start dating again:
1. Taking your time and not rushing into anything new is crucial. It is really tough being by yourself and it can be a frightening prospect to feel you may never meet somebody else, but use this time by yourself wisely and invest in yourself to help you get over the heartbreak of your marriage or relationship ending.
2. Understand why your marriage and relationship didn’t work out. This may be a difficult process, but it’s important to understand your role in all of it even if it includes some harsh truths. By working through this you can avoid being in the same situation or repeating unhelpful habits and patterns in your new relationship.
3. Enjoy your single life! Without the constraints of a marriage or relationship that didn’t work out you are now free to rediscover your identity and the dreams and hopes for your future that may have been left behind for a long time. Now is your time to really think about what you want the rest of your life to look like - and then meet somebody that supports your new vision (and vice versa of course!)
4. Pay attention to any unresolved issues - especially when it comes to dealing with emotions around your ex and the divorce or breakup. These are some of the biggest things that can sabotage a potentially good new relationship and can cause you and a new partner even more heartbreak down the line.
5. Get crystal clear on the kind of relationship you’re looking for and what exactly you want in a new partner. You now have the chance to take stock and really figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. Know your deal-breakers and your boundaries and learn to communicate them confidently. Be honest about what you’re looking for.
6. Give yourself, your future and a potential new relationship the ultimate gift of forgiveness. When it’s over it really is time to let go of the past and make a new start. Carrying resentment and bitterness with you when you start dating again or get into a new relationship comes across easily and it’s actually something a lot of daters complain about - sitting across somebody who only talks about their past in a negative way is no fun!
7. Rebuild your confidence and take care of yourself in a loving and kind way. It’s completely understandable if you don’t feel quite yourself or confident enough to ‘put yourself out there’ again. Find ways of investing in your overall health and fitness, take care of your body and pay attention to how you look and what you wear. Being happy in your own skin is a wonderfully attractive quality - and it starts from the inside out.
Remember - you will know when the time is right to start dating again. Go out and start with a clean slate and an open heart when you’re ready - you can and will find love again!